Why managers don’t always ask for feedback
(and what you can do about it)
Let me start off by saying, managers should be asking you for feedback.
In my experience, that’s not always the case. It doesn’t mean your manager is a bad person. Here are some reasons why your manager may not have asked you how they’re doing at their job or how they could be doing better to support you (and some tips for you to get the support you need without making things awkward):
They’re too busy.
This is not an excuse — a manager’s number one job is service to their team. However, you just never know what’s going on behind the scenes — leaders are also asked to swoop in to help with a time-critical strategy, put out all manners of fire, and any other things that could swing their priorities or randomize them.
Try this:
“One area I need some support (today, this week) is ________” Make the areas you need more support known. The biggest mistake you can make is to expect your manager to read your mind and then grow resentful for it. Be proactive — good managers actually WANT to be given things to do to support you, it’s what they’re paid for.
If you want to build some positive trust and you have some bandwidth, you can also build karma points at the same time with something like this, “I noticed you’ve been pretty busy lately — is there anything I can take off your plate?” This is a huge leadership stance for you if you’re ready to take on more senior responsibilities!
This lets them know you have your support, showing patience and understanding, but being clear about what you need.
They’re insecure in their role.
This doesn’t mean they’re junior. They could be someone in a new role — at a new company, in a new industry, recently given more responsibilities (ex. a new manager, new director, bigger scope, etc). These are all reasons that people might feel the need to present themselves as authorities with confidence. Great leaders often show vulnerability and humility in situations like this, approaching new roles and challenges as opportunities for growth — no matter how experienced they are. If that’s not what you’re seeing, you can actually help here.
Try this:
Give the manager some space to shine, support them and give them positive feedback. Ex. “You did an incredible job on ______” or “thank you for supporting the team by ______” Positive feedback is the easiest way to build rapport, build your manager’s confidence in how their actions land with the team, and opens the door to giving more direct constructive feedback to help that person grow their own confidence.
Yes, you heard me correctly — you can help your manager grow as much as they can help you grow, whether they recognize it or not (hopefully they do and acknowledge you for it!)
They lean too heavily on formal feedback.
Formal feedback are the processes and tools companies stand up to capture feedback. These systems are meant to accomplish a few things, none of which is real-time feedback — equity in performance reviews, tracking growth for ratings and promotions, managing under-performers from an HR standpoint. They should NEVER (ever ever) be a time to communicate feedback for the first time in both directions — from manager to report and vice versa.
Try this:
Recommend a monthly goals/feedback 1:1 that’s dedicated to tracking your progress. Make it a point to recommend that you appreciate candid feedback in both directions and you could use part of that time to share anything your manager can do to help support your goals. Getting into the rhythm and making it about your needs (vs. critiquing them) is an easier conversation to have. Over time, trust should build so you can be candor without worrying about negative feelings, and give informal feedback during weekly 1:1’s too.